Could Your Marriage Handle Living with Your Parents?

My older son’s girlfriend said the sweetest thing the other day. “You can live with us when you get older,” she said. “No thanks,” I responded, turning to my younger son. “I’d love to live with you instead.” 

My younger son is a grad student in art history and I’ve always pictured him living in Florence. Wouldn’t Florence be a great place to live in my senior years? I can totally picture him taking care of me there, bringing me cannolis from his favourite Italian bakery. “But Mom,” he protested, “you wouldn’t have healthcare in Florence.” Ok, so maybe our visions of my old age don’t align.

As our population ages, intergenerational living is on the rise. More and more seniors are living with their adult children. This can be a good thing or it can be disastrous, especially on a marriage. Here is my recent column on this topic for YouAreUNLTD.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MOM OR DAD MOVES IN WITH THEIR ADULT CHILD AND PARTNER

Are you thinking of having an elderly parent move in with you and your partner? If so, Carol Bradley Bursack has some advice. I spoke to the veteran caregiver, columnist and the author of Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories by phone from her home in North Dakota.

YAU: There is a trend of older parents moving in with their adult children. Is having a parent move in with a couple a good idea? 

First of all, I wouldn’t try it unless the marriage is already strong. Also, both people need to be on board. If one person is lukewarm, there will be stress. If the older person is loved by both, that is the best scenario.

YAU: What should a couple consider before living with a parent?

Couples invite their parents to move in with them from the goodness of their heart or sometimes because of a “crisis.” But they don’t always think through how it will affect their marriage. Do they both understand that having another adult move in will probably put extra stress on the relationship, and do they feel that they can adjust to this?  It’s way harder to change your mind and move somebody out.

YAU: Are there ways to get off on the right foot?

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Photo by Alex Harvey 🤙🏻 on Unsplash

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