In my quixotic quest to become a nicer, less anxious and more evolved person I enrolled in a mindfulness meditation class that meets every second Monday. In our second class last week we worked on “compassion” towards others and to ourselves. One of our exercises was to think of someone who irritates us (“Just ONE?” I grumbled to myself, before escorting my disorderly mind back to a better place) and to repeat a mantra for 10 full minutes of silent meditation:

May you be happy
May you be safe
May you be healthy
May you be peaceful

I tried to summon up these compassionate feelings as I read a front page story this morning about an infamous adversarial tax lawyer Philippe DioGuardi. I hate most lawyers (except the one I am married to, and of course my sister) and this dude is a good example of why. Self-promoting, arrogant, and undeservedly rich lawyers make my blood boil. (You only need to watch the youtube video at the end of this post to know what I’m talking about)

DioGuardi is in some serious doo-doo. Ontario’s legal regulator is investigating nine complaints against him, and he just settled his own personal debt to the CRA (his multi-million marketing campaign that rests on his principles of “I don’t cheat. I change the game” seems not to have worked very well in his own case). His daddy (who was his former law partner) threatened to remove him as the executor of his will because “You are grossly overdrawing on your monthly draws from the DioGuardi Tax Law Firm.”

Poor poor DioGuardi. He claims the source of his money woes is his estranged wife Elena. DioGuardi met the Russian beauty in St. Petersburg when she accidently stepped on his toes in a bookstore (and you say you don’t believe in soul mates!) It took him several years to convince this buxom blonde to move to Canada after the wedding (She considered Toronto a “cemetery” of culture. Whatev.). Once here she didn’t waste time (according to him) spending his hard-earned cash. Among her bounty were hundreds of thousands in jewelry, furs, nice cars and a luxury condo.

Listen, it’s hard work being a trophy wife (she underwent several plastic surgeries, for example), and I’m not going to be the one to argue that she doesn’t deserve every penny of her consumer cache. But here is the quote from DioGuardi that caught my eye: “I naively did all of this for many years thinking that I could somehow buy a real “marriage” relationship with Elena.”

Now there’s an important relationship lesson staring all of us right in the face. And in the spirit of compassion I hope DioGuardi learns from his experience. HIs parable is instructive for all of us. You can’t buy someone’s love. Not our partner’s, not our children’s, not our friends’. Spoiling someone when you have the means to do so doesn’t take the real effort a meaningful relationship demands. Opening up one’s wallet takes a few seconds, and is no substitute for the type of “real” relationship DioGuardi claims he wanted. The problem with throwing money at people is that it is never enough. It’s like sugar. Once they get a taste for the finer things, they need more and more to satisfy the craving. It is relationship game-over when people get addicted to “things” and not to “love”.

I’m hoping one day I can regard DioGuardi as less of a horse’s ass and more as a victim of unrequited love. I figure if I can summon up compassion for this dude (and others of his ilk), inner peace can’t be far away. I’m trying. I’m really trying.

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