After I published last week’s post, I received an email from my Uncle Nick with a tsk tsk emoticon wagging its finger at me. “You lazy girl! You had your son write half your blog this week,” Nick admonished. If you recall, my post had included Jake’s unedited answers to a questionnaire about my parenting.

Insulted, I immediately wrote back, “Well, excuse me, but in the old days people specifically had kids to work the farm and care for them in their old age. I don’t have a farm. I have a blog. So Jake and Micah should work on it to earn their keep! And let’s be fair. Jake didn’t write half. He wrote 364 out of 769 words so that is only 47% (you can check my math).”

But I wasn’t going to leave it there. As you know, I often draw on the real stories of friends—“Rachel”, “Devon”, “Charlie”—for inspiration on writing about relationships. But my best source of material is, you guessed it, my Uncle Nick and Aunt Julie. They have been happily married for over 45 years. They are the role models that re-confirm one’s faith in marriage.

So I am going back to the fountain of knowledge once again. A few weeks ago, eHarmony “discovered” me through my writing in Huffington Post. They have asked me to write posts for them, which I am over the moon about. My first article will explore how it is not grand gestures (e.g., lavish birthday presents) that are a recipe for a long and happy marriage, but those little day-to-day “steak” not “sizzle” best practices that keep a marriage strong.

So, what do my Uncle Nick and Aunt Julie do? I asked them, and here are their responses.

From Julie: Well, it’s a tough one. I do the cooking, try to please Nick, keeping in mind that he doesn’t like to eat the same thing two days in a row. We touch often; I am especially needy when it comes to hugs. We can sit next to each other in silence. We finish each other’s jokes. I laugh and groan at his puns. He knows and accepts my limitations without complaining or resentment. We have the same value system. So, it’s not things that we think about, it’s a lifestyle.

From Nick: I would add small things like bringing tea to Julie in the morning and evening, or when she makes me “nokedli” with the paprika chicken (takes more effort than rice or potatoes) or tolerating hockey or soccer games and so on. The small things accumulate and can either reinforce understanding or increasingly grate. Here is an amusing anecdote for you: while we worked in the same office – about a quarter century or so – Julie usually brought me coffee every morning. Some women commented to her about serving me that way. They were considerably taken aback, however, when Julie told them about the quid pro quo (how I bring her tea in the morning). She felt no need to justify what she did. That is also part of it.

Now, dear reader, you can anticipate the email I am going to get tomorrow from my Uncle Nick. If he thought I was lazy last week for putting Jake to work, well I can only imagine what he thinks of me now.

Stay tuned.

Photo credit:Flickr/Andrea-photography:Love 24/04/2010

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