Remember me telling you about my friend Rachel a couple months ago? Rachel who is 50 was being pursued by a young 30-something. While there was undeniable chemistry there, she was freaking out that she was practically old enough to be his mother. Well, always ready to help a friend in need, I devoted six long hours to writing a post about why it was totally ok for her to pursue this relationship.
So what does Rachel do? She dumps the guy (Advice to younger men dating older women: If you use sexting as your main mode of communication you had better be witty and spell properly). Rachel is now dating Graham who is almost 20 years older than her. And now she is freaking out about that. As she put it, “I’m still hung up on the “What will people think?” except now I’m boomeranging on the other side of the bell curve.”
Rachel summed up her relationship thus: “I must say, when things are going well with Graham, I feel like I have the best of both worlds — the body / sex drive/ lust for life/ fitness level of an 18 year old boy with the groundedness/ worldliness of a 68 year old man. That is, until we’re out in public and people give us weird looks when my “dad” grabs my ass. “
Rachel is conflicted. On the one hand, she’s having a great time with Graham. But on the other hand, she is feeling self-conscious and worried about the age gap.
So now I am back to square one on The Rachel Project.
The Good Men Project published my first Rachel post, re-titled as: “When Does The Age Difference Become A Problem?” and it sparked a conversation. Thousands and thousands of people read it, and dozens chimed in. I think some of their comments bear repeating because they apply whether it is the woman or the man who is significantly older.
Christopher Frank: Age is a number only. What matters is how they feel. My wife is 9 years younger and I have dated as many as 17 years younger and 19 years older.
Gregory Greene: […] Who are you living for. Why do you allow the world into you life and why do you need to be accepted by people that care nothing about you. […]People life is short . There is no coming back .
Dale Dedrick Mines: I am in my 50s and she is in her 30s. All of my adult children are older than her. I have a grandson who is 8 years younger but we are happy as hell.
Nicole Roberts: […] Life is too short to focus on all the reasons we are afraid of putting ourselves out there, especially when the potential of something amazing happening is so great. […] All in all, Dr. Seuss said it best: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
I’ve told Rachel that I have a strict one post per friend policy. I’m breaking the rule this once. After all, she does give me pretty good material to work with!
Photo credit:Flickr/Garry Knight
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