{"id":1554,"date":"2016-09-01T11:26:25","date_gmt":"2016-09-01T11:26:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/therelationshipdeal.com\/?p=1554"},"modified":"2016-09-01T11:26:25","modified_gmt":"2016-09-01T11:26:25","slug":"10-tips-for-a-great-coffee-date","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/therelationshipdeal.com\/wp\/2016\/09\/01\/10-tips-for-a-great-coffee-date\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Tips For A Great Coffee Date"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"coffee<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

My pal \u201cSabrina\u201d phoned me after her first coffee date with \u201cBill\u201d. He seemed so promising on-line but \u201cdid nothing but talk about himself the whole time,\u201d she complained. Bill squandered an opportunity to get to know Sabrina better, and turned her off in the process.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Coffee dates are like a job interview. We\u2019ve all had experiences where the job looked great in the ad, but the poor interviewing skills of the hiring manager made us reconsider whether the job was the right fit.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Do you want to conduct a great<\/em> interview? Here are ten tips.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Warm up your \u201cinterviewee\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    First impressions are important, and set the stage for a good conversation. Give your date a warm smile, and ask them \u201cwarm-up\u201d questions, e.g., \u201cWhat other favourite coffee shops have you tried in this area?\u201d and give them lots of encouragement, (e.g., nods, smiles) to make them feel as \u201cwarm\u201d as possible!<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Ask open-ended questions<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Try to avoid questions that only require a \u201cyes\u201d or \u201cno\u201d response such as, \u201cDo you think you would like to have kids one day?\u201d Better to ask questions that lead to more conversation and insights about your date such as, \u201cIf you decided to have kids one day, what do you think would be the hardest part about being a parent?\u201d<\/p>\n

      \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Ask for specific examples<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        A good way to predict how someone will act in the future is how they have handled situations in the past. Ask for specific examples about how they handled a conflict, dealt with a personal challenge, or made an important decision. For example, \u201cTell me about how you told your last coffee date that you weren\u2019t interested in seeing them again?\u201d may reveal a lot about the person.<\/p>\n

         <\/p>\n

          \n
        1. Ask good follow-up questions<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          Show your date that you are really listening to them by asking smart follow-up questions. Don\u2019t hop and skip from one question to the next if their answers to your initial question deserve more exploration. Follow-up questions can start with \u201cwhy\u201d, \u201chow\u201d, \u201cwhen\u201d etc., or you can simply say, \u201cI\u2019d love to hear more about that.\u201d<\/p>\n

           <\/p>\n

            \n
          1. Respect boundaries<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            Genuine relationships develop over time, as trust grows. Asking too pointed or personal questions too early can \u201cscare\u201d good people away. The purpose of the first date is to assess whether there is enough mutual interest and attraction to arrange a second one. There will be lots of time to delve into a person\u2019s past and their opinions about heavier topics later.<\/p>\n

            \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

              \n
            1. Embrace silence<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

              Many people find silence awkward, and feel they need to fill the space with small talk. Allowing for silence can help get to know the \u201creal\u201d person across the table. Often, people will say more and reveal more when there is silent space to fill. Not putting pressure on yourself to talk will also give you time to think about the \u201cbest\u201d next questions.<\/p>\n

               <\/p>\n

                \n
              1. Don\u2019t interrupt<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                It may seem supportive to finish your date\u2019s sentences, as a way of demonstrating that you are engaged in the conversation but it can also be perceived as a \u201ccontrol\u201d move, lack of respect, or impatience. Plus, you may be wrong about what your date wanted to say, and interrupt their flow of thought \u2013 not good for building rapport!<\/p>\n

                \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

                  \n
                1. Keep an open mind<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                  Be positive and non-judgmental about what people say. Never shut them down with comments like, \u201cThat\u2019s ridiculous\u201d; \u201cThat can\u2019t possibly be true,\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t believe you.\u201d Even if you disagree with their point of view, use it as a platform for further discovery rather than an abrupt end. Perhaps being open to different viewpoints is a way to challenge your own beliefs!<\/p>\n

                   <\/p>\n

                    \n
                  1. Invite them to ask questions<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                    Too often \u201cinterviews\u201d are top-down, when they should be an equal exchange of information. Some people may feel shy to ask questions for fear of crossing your boundaries. You can help them by asking whether they are curious about anything they noticed in your profile, or perhaps found when they googled you (who doesn\u2019t google a date in advance?)<\/p>\n

                     <\/p>\n

                      \n
                    1. Say \u201cthank you\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                      Whether the \u201cinterview\u201d goes well or not, always be gracious and thank the person for meeting. And don\u2019t hesitate to say, with extreme kindness, if you have no interest in a second date. It\u2019s possible to \u201creject\u201d someone while still making them feel great about themselves. It\u2019s a small world, so who knows when your paths may cross again. You can\u2019t afford to be less than gracious!<\/p>\n

                      Originally published in eHarmony Canada<\/a><\/p>\n

                      Photo credit: Flickr\/Vanessa Porter – coffee date<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                        My pal \u201cSabrina\u201d phoned me after her first coffee date with \u201cBill\u201d. He seemed so promising on-line but \u201cdid nothing but talk about himself the whole time,\u201d she complained. Bill squandered an opportunity to get to know Sabrina better, and turned her off in…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2,105],"tags":[287,246,288],"class_list":["post-1554","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","category-dating","tag-coffee-date","tag-dating-advice","tag-first-date"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3B2G4-p4","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/therelationshipdeal.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1554","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/therelationshipdeal.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/therelationshipdeal.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therelationshipdeal.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therelationshipdeal.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1554"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/therelationshipdeal.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1554\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1569,"href":"https:\/\/therelationshipdeal.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1554\/revisions\/1569"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/therelationshipdeal.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1554"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therelationshipdeal.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1554"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/therelationshipdeal.com\/wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1554"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}